Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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