Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
