Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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