There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize