come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
