I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
