No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
