i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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