i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
