He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
