someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
