Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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