i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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