you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
