bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
