I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
