I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
