Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
