I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
