you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize