He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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