I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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