Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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