im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
