i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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