i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
