Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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