There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
