apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
