Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
