Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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