my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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