In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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