I CAN MOONWALK!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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