Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
