I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
