my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
