I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize