When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
