i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
