Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Someone shit on the floor
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
