i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
