You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
