i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
