Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
