dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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