walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
