He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
