I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I could fuck to npr.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
