At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
