I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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