I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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