I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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