I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
