ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
