i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
