when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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