there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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