I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize