I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
