When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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