i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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