Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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