a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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