There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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