I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
