Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
