I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
