Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
