haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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