My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
