I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
