I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
