Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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