We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
