I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
