somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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