I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ruined the universe
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
