i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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