Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
