if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
