One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
