So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ketchup is God's man juice
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
